your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
