She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
