Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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