Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
