just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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