ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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