five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
