Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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