cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
