Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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