It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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