Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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