i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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