I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
