I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
