You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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