At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
