I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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