I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
