he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
