The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
