on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
