Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
So much Jack, so little girl.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
