ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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