I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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