I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
