Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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