I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
