normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you traded sex for a burrito?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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