Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
