Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
