Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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