You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
