I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
