She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
