my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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