A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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