Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I think I am morally bankrupt
home. puking in laundry basket.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
