is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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