Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
