i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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