Your face is a jimmy john
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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