theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize