On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
