Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
