Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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