Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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