dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
