Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Randomize
