Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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