I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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