Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
