Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Oh god it's open bar.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize