Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
