Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
