All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
