Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
My hand turned me down
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
