Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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