sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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