I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
