Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
my being single is dangerous.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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