actually, I'm a sock model
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
the day after is always just damage control
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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