my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
