Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
The Olympian is in my bed
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
