Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
