Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
