my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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