I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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