And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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