woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
