And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
