I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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