rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
