I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
