We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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