The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
