it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
