Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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