I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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