I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
operation have a gay friend backfired
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
