There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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