That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
