there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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