I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize