I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
