yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
