There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
