so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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