Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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