apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
