Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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