How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
