I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
