is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone š
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Thanks for going with me today. Itās been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
Itās called āshopping for lingerieā and itās one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
