no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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