i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
