Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
God, I missed his penis.
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