plz talk dirty to me
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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