I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
