Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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