fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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